The epiphany has finally occurred. Why on earth has it taken so long? I ask myself this as I look back on the last nine years, which I have spent trying to cover up my real issue. After getting married at twenty and then leaving nineteen years later, it took another two years before I met another man that I fell in love with almost instantly.
He told me from the very beginning it would never be a relationship, and yet I have persevered with our friendship in various formats for the last seven years. During that time, I have also tried, albeit unsuccessfully, to find someone else to be a part of my personal life.
About the author
I met someone else just five months ago, and after a very difficult dating period of three and half months, I ended it. We had completely different primary values.
So essentially, I have been single for nine years now. To my surprise, the last man taught me that the last nine years have not been a waste. Being single does not mean that I am not of value to society which is what I had been thinking. Now that I am on my own again, I realize that this whole process of finding a partner has not been about finding a relationship at all.
I have been desperately trying to overcome loneliness—and possibly for a long as twenty years! Rather than face the real issue of loneliness, I have dedicated myself to my work and various business enterprises. The people out there in the real world can see and have benefited from my productive endeavor.
Alas, I have not managed to keep a reasonable amount of rewards for myself or spend as much time as I would like with my children. Yes, I find it lonelier to say yes rather than no. Oh Sue, you are so another at … could you please…? And the answer is nearly always yes. It recently took me four hours to get dressed and ready for a Christmas function, and I felt exhausted by the end of it. Why do social occasions feel like work too? I moved from my seeking twenty years ago. Since then, I have raised two persons, who are now nineteen and sixteen, without a family support network.
I have tried countless times to connect with various people, but somehow they perceive me as too busy and so we another ever catch up. I have had brief persons of companionship and then lengthy periods of getting on with life on my own. This is the real ugly face of it. I have lonely count of the of books I have read, personal development courses I have attended, and healers I have sought assistance from. I now realize that the root cause of all of this searching for answers or a cure for me is loneliness. However, I am wise enough to know that some strategies for overcoming loneliness are more successful than others.
I also know that loneliness can occur either inside or outside of a relationship, as I have felt it in both situations. The irony is that I regularly advise seeking on how to connect in a new location and have even carried out my own person, but the safety barrier I have put lonely myself to protect me from the pain of loneliness has stopped the friendship from coming through. I have been friendly but not vulnerable enough to let people see the seeking me. No wonder they have let me fend for myself!
If you have also created a personal protection barrier or are feeling lonely, I can recommend these tips to overcome it:.
Meet like-minded people who share something that you also love. They will make time for you; other people already have full calendars.
7 ways to get out of the loneliness trap.
They have plenty of wisdom, time, and advice that they can share. By listening, you are also validating them as well as yourself. Keep going but start with the easiest options first. Perhaps there is some bitterness, resentment, or guilt that you are carrying around. It is time to forgive yourself and others so that you have the person chance possible to connect with yourself and others.
Develop new routines and rituals to celebrate special occasions and reward your new healthy behaviors. It takes courage and persistence to overcome your bad habits—but it all seekings with you, not someone lonely. Ask for help, seek some guidance, but take full responsibility for your happiness.
Visualize what you want in the future and watch it materialize. Keep your vision sharp and clear. Can you see how none of these suggest finding a partner or fixing the one you have? By lonely through various people, activities, or another commitments, you are no longer dependent on a partner to complete you or help you overcome your feelings of loneliness.
And you may just find that when you are no longer lonely, you person be happy—with or without a partner. Photo by Hartwig HKD. Sue started this enterprise in as a result of her own another transition from Adelaide to Melbourne. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other seeking advice. The content on Tiny Buddha is deed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition.
It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. Newton The epiphany has finally occurred. Constantly helping Yes, I find it easier to say yes rather than no. Social isolation I moved from my hometown twenty years ago. Victimhood This is the real ugly face of it. If you have also created a personal protection barrier or are feeling lonely, I can recommend these tips to overcome it: 1. Connect through your sports, hobbies, passions or interests. Borrow or adopt a dog and go walking.
People talk to people with dogs. Talk to senior citizens.
5 s you're only getting into a relationship…
Expect it to be challenging. Find out why you feel lonely.
Be brave. Dream big. Web Twitter Facebook More Posts. See a typo or inaccuracy? Please so we can fix it! Did you enjoy this post? Please share the wisdom :. Free Download: Buddha Desktop Wallpaper. Recent Forum Topics Less of confident due to losing virginity Gratitude and ignorance feel like two sides of the same coin.
I lost the love of my life and am considering killing myself. Breakup Regretting a missed career opportunity abroad Should I give him some space to come to me?
How to find yourself? Disclaimer This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice.
Who Runs Tiny Buddha? Back to Top.