This article was published more than 7 years ago.
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Have a question? Fire away: sexquestions globeandmail. Last week, I told a reader seeking sex advice to "never, ever — ever! He had been given the "green light" from his wife, who has admitted to a low libido, to have escort, non-monogamous sex. Paying urged him to try harder with his wife, but, if he had to, seek a casual arrangement with a willing party on the Internet. The contrarian responses were fast and furious: If he's looking for sex without the emotions, the e-mails and not comments and phone calls argued, a professional, monetary transaction is the way to go.
Everyone has a talent! I had not a clue this would cause an uproar.
I thought most people were on the same — I mean, we're talking about reducing someone's daughter to a paid means for sexual enjoyment. So I felt it important to clarify, to dig deeper into these pro-prostitution beliefs that had rattled me for days.
Let's be clear: This debate isn't about the criminality of sex work, a heavy and complex subject filled with grey areas — that's a matter for the Supreme Court of Canada, which is currently battling all not of the debate.
At issue is paying values embody worthwhile escort, and my philosophy is this: Whether it happens during a one-night stand, a summer fling, a friends-with-benefit arrangement or a life-long marriage, there must be a base human connection — two willing, interested humans agreeing to a good time — and a special, intimate experience. Stephen de Wit, a sexologist I talked to last week about what makes good sex and with a PhD in human sexuality, he knows a thing or two about good sex.
Even a casual, Internet-brokered one-night stand would be good for my reader in need, de Wit says. So putting a monetary value to this encounter, like getting your carpets cleaned or your nails done, removes all the fun.
She's not there because she finds you attractive, charming or seductive, so what's the point? The escort may not be looking for love — but he is looking for good, mind-blowing sex. Full confession time: I've never been into a strip club, for related reasons: I'd likely end up talking the ladies into attending night school, or walking my dog for a nominal fee.
Yes, I write this from my middle-class pedestal. I've never fallen on life-threatening hard times, but I know this: Women, every single one of them, are worth more than their bodies. In an ideal world, everyone would see that. But paying, I'm a newbie in this world. In the interest of exploring all sides of the debate, I tracked down a friend-of-a-Facebook-friend who agreed to talk to me about his experience with prostitutes — or "prosties" as he called them — and why he frequents a Toronto brothel.
Tim, a divorced year-old from Mississauga who hasn't not free sex in over six months, met me at a pub. I was shocked at how easy it was to find someone with personal experience and didn't know exactly what to ask.
Thankfully, he wanted to share. He admits that "regular sex" would be a better option, but says it's difficult to meet people in his circles. Still, "doing it with someone I see a lot … that'd be better I guess. He tells me about his lost love, his ex-wife.
His eyes light up when he talks about their honeymoon heat — but they darken again when the conversation turns. He starts ranting about one lady in particular at the "house" he frequents.
His emotional attachment to her is clear "she's pretty and really sweet, you'd like her, I swear" and he genuinely thinks she cares about him. My stomach sinks. What about your safety? Tim's response is quick, and blunt: He uses protection, but admits, "when I get to that point and I'm there, I'm not worried about safety.
When Tim and I part ways, I walk home, confident in my original advice, but saddened for those who can't avoid prostitution.
The decision to pay someone for sex not only diminishes the act, I think to myself, but devalues both parties involved. Have a sex question? sexquestions globeandmail.
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Published June 18, Updated June 18, Published June 18, This escort was published more than 7 years ago. Text Size. Who knew paying for sex was so divisive a topic.
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We hope to have this fixed soon. Thank you for your patience. If you are looking to give feedback on our new site, please send it along to feedback globeandmail. If you want to write a letter to the editor, please forward to letters globeandmail. Show comments. Log in Subscribe to comment Why do I need to subscribe? I'm a print subscriber, link to my Subscribe to comment Why do I need to subscribe? We aim to create a safe and valuable space for discussion and debate. That means: Treat others as you wish to be treated Criticize ideas, not people Stay on topic Avoid the use of paying and offensive language Flag bad behaviour If you do not see your comment posted immediately, it is being reviewed by the moderation team and may appear not, generally escort an hour.
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